Holiday Blues

Dec.  2010
My mother-in-law, who was also my good friend recently died. Hard to feel merry when sadness resides in my heart so I decided not to send Christmas cards this year.
Still, a friend who came to dinner helped me decorate a tree with ornaments of dogs, cats, horses and other critters.
Yes, I use a live tree. A life time ago I planted 20,000 tree seedlings in northern Minnesota with the goal of having a Christmas tree farm. However, my first husband and I got divorced before the trees grew a foot tall.

Twenty-five years later when I returned to visit the property I was overjoyed to see the seedlings had grown into a thick forest. I don’t feel guilty burning wood in my fireplace or having a real Christmas tree. Besides, most Christmas trees are a crop grown to be harvested.

Getting back to Christmas- since my second husband died, I can’t wait until the holidays are over. When Brian was alive I loved jingle bells, holiday trips, Santa, brandied eggnogs and receiving wonderful gifts such as a loon carved out of cherry, relief carving of a fox and an alabaster raccoon - all made by my sculptor husband.
After Brian died, Christmas lost its sparkle. Raised in a sect that didn‘t believe in Christmas, I didn’t start celebrating the holiday until after leaving the religion so I have a lot of practice pretending Christmas doesn’t matter.
I no longer love jingle bells, holiday trips or Santa but I still enjoy brandied eggnogs.